Let's talk about Emotional Alignment and how this can affect your internal freedom.
Emotional Alignment is defined as the accuracy with which you perceive the past and assess the future. Overall it represents the degree to which you skew reality.
This theory uses the four critical areas (pillars) of your life to help guide you toward personal freedoms
- Mind (thinking, logical)
- Body (physical)
- Spirit (subconscious thoughts, patterns, behaviors)
- Vocation (job, career, legacy to the world around you)
When you struggle in one area (a trigger), this struggle will continue for a lifetime if not acknowledged and processed in a healthy manner.
We all have triggers.
For example, one of my biggest triggers involves impatience. When I would inevitably get stuck in the slowest line at the store, miss the green light because of a slow driver in front of me, or waiting for my kids to tie their shoes so they won't be late for school, my trigger would rear its ugly head.
Your trigger(s) may be very different. You may have 1 trigger or may have 21 triggers. It all depends on your awareness of the situations that cause you what is ultimately unnecessary stress.
Now let's connect the dots. To make this easy (and personal), I will use my own example of impatience.
When this would pop up, I would notice my heart race a bit faster, my breathing become more shallow and my mind finding scenarios of how this will turn out to be the worst outcome EVER. Then I would begin to speak more quickly with a higher-pitched voice and repeatedly explain and complain why this delay is going to cost me.
Turns out, I was mostly right. It did cost me but it wasn't the delay. It was my inability to let go of needing the situation to go exactly on my schedule. It was my lack of knowing that 1 minute isn't going to change the course of my life. It was also realizing that I had a fear of missing out on something in life because of childhood situations that would make me feel like if I didn't hurry I would miss out.
The hardest thing to do is acknowledge your triggers. Once you've owned up to them, the rest is somewhat easier (although truly not that easy).
First, you will need to take a hard look at yourself. You will need to be brutally honest and forthright with the real you. Here's the thing: nobody is grading this. Nobody else cares that you are embarking on this treasure hunt of unpleasantries. This work is done solo. So don't be shy. Take your time with it and open up to the real you.
Once you have acknowledged 1 or more triggers, it's time to write down (yes write) why you have these triggers (FREE journal prompt workbook). I did say it gets easier after finding your triggers but this part is hard too. You now need to fully examine why you feel the need to react the way you do. What is it about the scenarios that created the reaction? Your reaction may be to yell, eat, watch TV, sleep, self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, or any other situational remedies you might find to escape the current reality.
Here's where it gets a bit easier.
When you have been triggered (and you will for a time), you just acknowledge the situation, laugh, and let it go. That's it.
This may seem way too easy. Good. The more you can allow the acknowledgment and the laughter, the less you will be triggered. Each trigger will feel smaller and smaller. Until eventually you won't be triggered anymore.
Let me get back to why and how this affects your internal freedom.
Getting triggered is like picking up a hot coal to throw at someone - you get burned in the process.
Allowing life situations to create anger, fear or resentment, only pile on unneeded stress. Stress can deplete the body of healing while also creating disease or illness in the body. Having anger stops you from enjoying life. Having fear stops you from a spontaneous adventure. Having resentment prevents you from having beautiful relationships with people.
Working through your triggers frees your body from taking on a burden that only hurts you.
You will feel emotionally, physically and spiritually lighter. You will see the world in a different light. You will find that more opportunities come your way, that situations open up for you and people treat you differently.
When you are emotionally free from your shackles, you will find the four pillars to grow and strengthen. They will support each other rather than rely on each other.
As for my impatience, the more I acknowledged each situation, the more I was able to let go and laugh. Eventually, my lesson was learned. I now experience peace from within.
For greater understanding of your emotions and health, please visit my website at
You've likely been speaking words since you were 2 years old.
Parents are eager to hear their kids speak early and get excited about the very first word. They encourage words such as mom, dad, ball and dog. The very first word is a milestone for every parent. As more words are learned and repeated, the child is more likely to express themselves through words.
But then, there comes a time when one or both parents become exhausted from the constant babble. Kids have a tendency to ask the same question for the millionth time or go on and on about a toy they love. And often, at early ages, kids like to cry, scream and practice using their voice in a loud manner. It's a normal part of childhood.
But for some kids, who are now adults, their experience has been challenging. They experienced excitement, clapping, and awe when they spoke their first word. Only to hear the parents tell them to "be quiet", "not so loud", "use your inside voice" or (the worst in my opinion) "kids are to be seen and not heard".
Now, you may not remember all the ooh's and aah's of your first words, but there is a good chance you remember the disappointment when being told to not speak or be quiet. And the more you were told this, the more you turned into your own dialogue and created a habit of not speaking. And to be fair, it's confusing when you are told by one or both parents to "be quiet" but then encouraged to speak up in school or when asked a question like "who ate all the cookies without asking?". For a child, this becomes a roller coaster of social navigation. And sadly, the likely outcome is that the child grows up thinking that their voice only counts when someone is an authority figure. This type of behavior molding creates an adult who doesn't have the courage to speak up or loses the self-esteem to voice their opinion.
Signs of Not Being Heard
If you have made it this far, chances are you are falling somewhere in this category.
Here are some symptoms you may be experiencing:
- Scared of speaking the truth because of being rejected
- You always aim to please everyone
- You have a difficult time speaking up for yourself regarding your own choices
- You feel unheard and misunderstood in most circumstances
- Your self-expression is minimized and people fail to comprehend you
- You speak too fast or too slow
- You feel insecure about your own decisions
- It's difficult to find the right words to express yourself
- Have or had a stutter
For many adults, acknowledging this behavior is not easy because it means that you have allowed yourself to be minimized or downplayed.
Finding the Source
Finding out the 'why' or 'how' of not being able to speak your voice is not always necessary though it can help to understand ways to open up and start finding your voice.
The easiest way to do that is to think back to the earliest childhood memory of being told to be quiet. You want to find the earliest memory even if it is only a few frames of memory. Because as you work to unravel the mystery of your disappearing voice, old memories will surface and that will be your opportunity to let them go in a healthy way.
Once you found the earliest memory, replay it a few times in your head. Use all of your senses. Identify sounds, sights, smells, spoken and unspoken words, etc. Each time you replay the memory, let each of the senses get softer or diminish in intensity. You want the memory to start fading away while acknowledging it existed. You are basically allowing it to fade in the distance and bidding it farewell. This process may take 1 day or several weeks depending on how much it impacted you. There is a great chance that emotions will follow and know that it is okay to feel them. It's okay to have sadness, anger or even fear. But each time you feel them, you will get to know them more and more until the emotions from that incident are no longer feeling so big. Rather, they fade into the distance too. And then you can look back at this memory as if you read it in a book or it was someone else's memory.
There are many other ways to go about this process of letting go of a memory so that it no longer affects you emotionally. I find this process to be the quickest and most accessible. Feel free to experiment with other options such as journaling or burning the memory.
Bring in the Healing
Now for the important part: healing the throat and voice so that you can feel confident in speaking up when YOU decide to speak.
#1 Singing
This, for me, was the absolute most difficult aspect of opening up my voice. Not only do I have a pretty bad singing voice (as I am told by my kids) and am tone deaf, but public or even private singing was mortifying. I would rather show up naked on a stage in front of 1000 people than sing in front of 2. For me, this was one step I couldn't take until I took some other steps to heal. However, if you love or even like singing, this may be a great way for you to challenge your voice. Singing to or with others can be somewhat vulnerable and will help loosen you up to use your voice but in a fun way. I have finally gotten to the point of singing by myself in front of other people knowing that it is okay if my voice is not great - it's the intention behind it.
#2 Yoga
There are certain yoga poses that can help open the throat and voice. Rather than performing in front of someone, yoga gives you the opportunity to move energy in the throat chakra. Some poses are Lion pose, Fish pose, Bridge and Plough. Since these movements revolve around the neck and spine, be sure to follow protocol to avoid injury.
#3 Scream
A seemingly easy, yet mentally difficult way of opening up the throat chakra and voice is by simply screaming. Now you may be scoffing at this one as, as I mentioned, it seems super easy. But I promise that some of you will have a very difficult time with this one. One way to start is by screaming into your pillow. It will be the easiest because it won't alert people or cause stares. Then you can progress to the shower since the running water will mute the sound a bit. Then you can try screaming in your own home (hoping nobody calls the police on you!!). The most difficult step is screaming outside, preferably in the woods or mountains. Once you conquer this step, you know you've made progress.
#4 Feeling Blue
One big stepping stone for me was wearing a blue stone right below the Adam's apple. I wore this necklace for over a year. And I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't looking in the mirror when it happened, but the necklace just broke into a bunch of beads that fell all over the ground. My time was up for me wearing the blue stone. Blue is associated with the throat chakra. That doesn't mean you have to wear a blue stone as I did. Just consider what you can wear on you that is blue. Pants, shirts, dresses, scarves, hats, or even sunglasses. You can always carry a blue stone in your pocket or as a bracelet or ring. The idea is to see the color as often as possible.
#5 Oh That Smell
Forget the synthetic perfumes and sprays. Try an essential oil dabbed directly on your skin. Not only does it smell fantastic but you don't get any of the toxic leftovers. And there are scents that correlate with each chakra that can help you in aligning them back into balance. The throat chakra loves the scents of frankincense, lime, cedarwood, and rosemary to name a few. And if you don't want to wear the scent you can always surround yourself with it using a diffuser.
#6 Hand Mudra
Hand mudras can also be thought of as hand yoga. Since your fingers also have their own chakra system, placing your hands and fingers in specific positions creates a circuit to allow energy flow. One hand mudra for the throat is called Dyhana Mudra and is performed by placing the right hand on top of the left, both hands face up, and bring the thumbs to touch.
#7 741Hz Frequency
By now you have likely heard about sound frequency. Different frequencies affect your mind, body, and spirit complex in different ways. The frequency that will help align your throat is 741Hz. This can be played in the background as you work, cook, drive, etc. You can also play it using headphones while exercising or before you fall asleep at night.
What to Expect
Once you have decided to become more vocal, speak your truth and no longer feel self-conscious about stating your personal opinion, just start with one thing. If you decide to start singing more, do that. If it feels good, keep doing it. There is truly no wrong way to go about balancing the throat chakra to give you more flow. If your intention is to once and for all be able to vocalize, then you will know what is going to work for you and what won't. Don't worry about the specifics. All the ideas are flexible. Day 1 you can try the hand mudra while wearing blue. Day 2 you can listen to 741Hz and then Day 3 you can go back to the hand mudra and a yoga pose. Its truly up to you how much or little you want to go after your goal.
Which brings us to the next question: how long will it take to feel vocal freedom? Well, that greatly depends on so many factors. But, if you experience more than half of the signs and symptoms above, expect at least 1 year. If you only have a couple of the signs/symptoms, you may be able to heal your voice much sooner.
Once you are on the path to healing, I want to hear about your journey and how its coming along for you. Remember, you are unique. You didn't come from a cookie-cutter mold. So be patient with your journey. Show yourself compassion and most of all, speak up for what you want so that you can be seen and heard.
"The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before." - Albert Einstein
As a kid, I thought being an adult would be easy! Stay up late! (Nope, not for me). Eat whatever I want. (Not unless I want to suffer the consequences). Do whatever I want, whenever I want (again, consequences).
As I grew into my early adult years, I was good at following life's rules. I did my best in school, work and in relationships. Basically, I was a contributing human to society.
I fell in love with exercise at a very early age (hello Jane Fonda VHS tapes). And at around 14 years of age, I found myself pushing my physical limitations as often as possible.
At age 15, I would do 1,000 sit-ups every night.
At age 16, I started weight training on machines.
At age 18, I became a certified aerobics teacher.
At age 18, I joined the Army.
At age 21, I was on my college dance team, teaching aerobic classes and running 5 miles a day.
At age 23, I ran my first marathon.
At age 24, I ran my 2nd marathon piggy-backed by a 24-hour adventure race which consisted of kayaking, biking, roller blading, repelling and more.
At age 25, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
At age 25, I was told I would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.
Also at age 25 I just graduated with a Master's Degree in Kinesiology.
In hindsight, I can tell you that the diagnosis was the best thing to ever happen to me.
But at age 25, just graduating college and about to embark on a career in exercise science, I was devastated. But also stubborn!!
All 3 of my neurologists told me that
- All signs point to MS
- Decide which medication you want to take FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
- You may want to consider filing for disability
- The chance of being in a wheelchair THE REST OF YOUR LIFE is highly likely
What they didn't tell me, neglected to tell me, or just purposely omitted, was that all the medications have moderate to severe side effects and that a diagnosis is actually difficult because there is no single test to determine, with 100% accuracy, a diagnosis of MS.
Did I mention I am stubborn?
Initially, I tried the medication called Copaxone. It's a once-daily shot that made me feel like I was in the middle of a horrible flu. Every. Single. Day.
Having a background in the human body and exercise, I thought I would "fix" my issue. But I realized very quickly that I would need more than just exercise to "fix" me.
That led me to do a deeper dive into nutrition. I already had a very solid foundation but I knew I was going to need more ammo. One year later and my diet was revamped. But still, some lingering symptoms existed.
That led me down a deeper (and somewhat scarier) rabbit hole. At this point, I had taken myself off of Copaxone and had decided to go 'the natural route' - whatever that meant. I just knew that I couldn't handle the daily shots, bruising and flu-like symptoms every day.
Findings of neurotoxins, vaccines, parasites, Epstein-Barre virus, Lyme's disease, Eastern philosophies, Eastern medicine, chemical warfare, chemtrails, fluoride, anti-biotics, Naturopaths, dental work, GMO's, negative entities, homeopathy and on and on, left me over-educated and sounding like a lunatic. But I knew I was on to something.
At this point, I was so far down the rabbit hole that I had only one choice: to keep digging.
I'm sure you have questions for me at this point (which I would be happy and honored to answer - just click here)
At age 37, I had come to the realization that all of my MS symptoms had come from an emotional base. How did I come to that realization? Honestly, I don't remember. Maybe it was because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Or maybe it was from something I stumbled upon along my journey in the rabbit hole. Remember, I was researching and learning as much as I could possibly take in, absorb and apply to myself. But one thing I do know for certain was that I had 2 compasses:
- One was pointing to emotions
- One was pointing to a bigger picture of Big-Pharma and the military-industrial complex
Let me first say, that if you think what I am telling you is all lies or conspiracy theories, you DO NOT have to believe a word I say. Nor do you have to continue reading this article. But, if any part of you knows that your doctors aren't helping, you are tired of the yo-yo lifestyle of your health and really just want to find the root cause, keep reading.
So I discovered 2 hidden paths in the rabbit hole.
One of these paths would bring me to clarity and healing. The other path would bring me to clarity and truth. Both, however, would bring me a solution to my dis-ease.
The solution was rapidly forming in front of my eyes. I realized the one link connecting them all:
MINDSET
I began watching human behavior. Mostly mine, if I'm being honest. Some notions I had were:
- Why do I keep having the same unwanted experiences?
- Why can't I change my habits easily?
- Where did certain behaviors come from?
I couldn't easily answer these questions. Because we've been taught that willpower is all you need to succeed, I thought that I just didn't have any. Or that my willpower was all out of juice.
Willpower is not the answer.
Looking deeper and making a connection with Traditional Chinese Medicine, I began to realize that my emotions, connected to specific organs, were really the missing piece.
And here's how I made that connection - Multiple Sclerosis (or any autoimmune disease) is affected by stress. Stress is affected by our ability to cope with emotional situations. Our ability to cope stems from childhood (almost always) which is the foundation of our emotional compass.
This was my Ah-Ha moment!
A childhood memory emerged from its depths like a lost ship. And I quickly made the connections to a behavior that I couldn't seem to kick. Let me tell you that story because many of you will relate.
During my school years, when I would come home from school and begin homework at the kitchen table, I would be given a "treat" - brownies, chocolate chip cookies, Nilla wafers, etc. Over time, as homework got more challenging or I found myself frustrated with any type of school work in which I needed to focus, that "treat" became expected. Now, fully in my adult years, when I would get frustrated or overwhelmed with anything, my first instinct was to grab a "treat" in the form of something sweet. My only coping skill for overwhelm/stress was to eat sugar!!! Sugar loves to attach itself to the liver and gallbladder. Frustration is a form of anger. Anger affects the liver and gallbladder.
Now the pieces were coming together. Coming to this realization brought me to tears. And it was a moment in which I realized that to truly help people, I needed to understand more than exercise and nutrition. Habits die hard. And unless the pesky habits are addressed and understood, they will remain as habits.
This was one of my turning points. To break apart and truly understand why I would reach for a sugary treat every time I felt stressed, overwhelmed or frustrated literally created a positive shift in my life.
And thus was my catapult into shifting perspectives for others.
I've given you this story in hopes that you will see that innocuous things as a child can create lasting habits as an adult. I've told you a story of a mother who loved her child and gave her a snack during homework time as a child. This is a very innocent story that created a lifelong habit.
Think of the stories that weren't so innocent. I'm sure you can think of your own stories that you'd rather not remember. We all have our own traumatic memories. Those memories create even deeper wounds, which create deeper mindsets that feel impossible to overcome.
I truly want you to heal yourself, whether that is physical, emotional and/or mental healing. And when you can come to accept that most, if not all, of your distress, dis-ease and bad luck come from your emotions, you can finally begin to unravel the answers.
******
I want to circle back to 2 points mentioned earlier that may need a bit of elaboration.
I want to circle back to 2 points mentioned earlier that may need a bit of elaboration.
- If you aren't aware of Big-Pharma or the Military Industrial Complex, this is a HUGE part of the rabbit hole I will caution you about now. It is often triggering for those not ready to see what is hiding behind the curtain. But it can also free you from the constraints of society. Consider this your warning!
- Auto-immune diseases come in many different shapes and sizes. And none of them have been completely proven to have one main cause. What this means is that stress is the real issue. And once again, stress comes down to how we cope with it. You don't need to label yourself with a diagnosis. Educate yourself and then begin to heal yourself. You ARE NOT sentenced to life just because a doctor tells you so.
*****
If after reading this you are curious or would like to chat with me about my coaching, CLICK HERE
"In the end we retain from our studies only that which we practically apply." - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
How often do you learn a new piece of brilliant information and think 'I'm going to start doing this tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and you completely forgot about it?
How many times have you read an inspiring and insightful self-help book only to retain 1% of the information the day after finishing it?
If you've ever taken an online course that you loved, the information was valuable yet you didn't implement one aspect of what you learned?
Confession: I'm a recovering serial learner and I want to help you!
Photo by For years, actually decades, I have dedicated my life to learning as much as possible. Why? I'll get to that in a bit as this may help you.
I received my Master's degree and immediately wanted to go back for my Ph.D. It turned out to be fortunate that I couldn't swing it at the time.
However, my need and thirst for learning kept me on the lookout for anything and everything I could devour to make my brain a supercomputer.
I do truly love learning. I love diving into topics that intrigue me and take me into realms of things more esoteric (and often conspiracy-theory-driven). Topics such as quantum mechanics, time travel, eastern philosophy, eastern medicine, anything to do with the human body, psychology, mental/brain function, and so much more.
But not only do I love learning these topics, but I also love diving deep into them so that I may get certified or become an expert in the field/topic.
For the last few decades, I have been on the journey to learn and soak up any potential information that may help me along the way of life and help others.
It all started when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I didn't want to believe that I would succumb to a life of medicine and a wheelchair. I didn't want to believe in Western medicine doctors who said I would get worse without putting toxic medicine in my body.
So I began researching. And researching. And researching some more.
I read books, listened to lectures, reviewed sources from other countries, and essentially became my own advocate.
As of writing this, I have been medicine and symptom-free for over 15 years!
But all this research and discovery got me to realize that there was so much to learn.
I branched out into different areas of topics and kept going from there.
I fell in love with the idea that I can help other people learn how to heal themselves.
I fell in love with finding modalities that most of the western world wouldn't think of using.
I fell in love with ideas and theories that not only healed the body but had zero negative side effects.
Now you may be thinking 'What's wrong with all of that?'
That's what we are going to dive into so that you can learn from my Stimulation Information Overload.
At the beginning of my journey, I had fewer areas of interest. I wanted to heal and understand the human body on a great level than was taught in grad school. My focus was solely on the human body.
With an MS in Kinesiology, I really understood the body mechanically. I was an expert in body movement. But body movement didn't explain human behavior. Nor did it help me understand toxins and pathogens and their effect on the human body.
This is the point at which I dove deeply into nutrition. American ideologies of nutrition were very much based on what was shown in TV commercials. But I had a sneaking suspicion that something seemed fishy.
I then sought out a Holistic doctor. This doctor treated the body as a whole.
This was a point of another realization that the mind and body cannot be separated. If our body is relying on our mind to do the right things to stay healthy, then they must act together and are not separate from each other.
Then this led me to understand human behavior.
I will end with my story at this point as you should get the idea now.
It was realization after realization that there is never an end to learning something new.
But my thirst for knowledge was on the border of unhealthy. As I uncovered new avenues of topics, I began diving in multiple directions at once.
- You could find me reading at least 2 non-fiction books at the same time. I guarantee I loved the books. What did I learn? I couldn't tell you! Why? Because I was too busy learning the next thing.
- I would watch a video on how to raise my vibration, meditate and start a gratitude journal. I would start all of these on the same day and within 3 days I would forget I even started. Why? Because I went down the next avenue of what I wanted to learn.
- I would sign up for a $40 self-help course that taught about crystals and how to create a crystal grid. I would finish the course and then forget all about it the same day.
- I signed up for an NLP Udemy course that cost $199. I barely finished the course before I was on to the next topic barely applying what I learned.
This is the short list of all the things I have "learned". But really all I did was buy information that was barely retained.
If I could add up the cost of all the bought-for information, I could buy myself a 5 bedroom home on the beach in California.
I got to the point of wanting to learn everything possible that I was actually learning nothing at all.
You cannot possibly retain information when it is never applied.
Listening to or reading the information does not necessarily make you more knowledgeable.
I was experiencing Stimulation Information Overload.
Knowledge comes from experience.
The experience comes from applying what you learned.
Check out this article all about habit forming.
Just because you read a book or take a course does not mean you retained the knowledge.
Knowledge comes from the experience of action and repetition.
You must apply what you have learned, over a period of time, to fully understand the knowledge.
I know I am repeating myself but this is the point of my story. I am repeating it so that you can read it more than once.
When we read something, we generally retain less than 50% of the material.
Now, I want you to think about something that was challenging for you to learn but after failing at it, it became much easier to learn.
You learned from the action of DOing and not just reading or listening. DOing requires more brain activity and therefore retention.
Here are 2 things I want you to remember:
To make learning easier, teach the information - it doesn't matter who your audience is (kids, friends, stuffed animals, yourself) talk about it out loud. Say it in your own words. Doing so helps you memorize more easily. The more you teach it, the more you will remember.
Only tackle 1 or 2 new topics/ideas/habits at the same time - wanting to meditate for 30 minutes and journal for 20 minutes in the morning plus exercise for 50 minutes and then take an online course 5 days a week adds hours to an already busy schedule. Likely you will give up on this immediately. Limit yourself until you find it becomes at least a routine. You must feel a reward from your new habit otherwise you won't stick with it.
Let's get back to Stimulation Information Overload and the 'Why' to all of this.
My first goal was to help myself heal. Once I was on the path of healing, my second goal became to help others. But it wasn't enough to help others, I wanted to be the Superhero of helping others.
Why????
Because I suffered from low self-esteem. I was compensating for what I felt I lacked in: looks, being desired, intelligence, etc.
It's also about control. If I have the knowledge to predict or control the outcome, I now have the control in my own hands and I won't succumb to outside forces.
While I have done a lot of work on both self-confidence and control, there are times I find myself dipping a toe back into those waters. I am careful about the pitfalls of letting myself get lost in the world of learning. There can only be learning or applying. There really are never both at the same time.
The best way to have a balance between learning and applying is to pick a topic you want to learn. Gather all the information you desire. Then apply the information by teaching. Then move on to the next topic.
If you are extreme like me, I highly suggest you allow yourself to explore your 'why'. It is helpful to understand so that you don't continue the cycle of only bringing in information. After all, what good is the information if you never apply it? It's like cooking a meal and immediately throwing it away.
Sit with the information.
Allow yourself to explore it deeper.
Then share the gift of knowledge with others by teaching it to someone who could use the information.
I hope this helps you on your journey so that you never have to say you have Stimulation Information Overload.
Tears actually show courage, strength, and authenticity
"Suck it up, Buttercup"
"Quit yer crying"
"If you don't stop crying, I'll give you a reason to cry"
Have you heard these phrases growing up?
Or maybe you, yourself, have said them.
I never let myself cry in public. Never. Or even in front of those I trusted.
Why?
Probably because I was told that crying made a person look weak.
I don't want to look weak.
Or that crying made you look vulnerable and the stronger-willed person will steamroll you.
I don't want to look vulnerable or be taken advantage of.
Or that crying in public is unacceptable behavior.
I don't want to appear unacceptable.
Or that tears are for sissies and babies.
I'm not a sissy or baby.
So my solution was to never show weakness, vulnerability, baby tears, or bad behavior.
And this is not to blame my parents (mostly my dad). He thought he was doing me a favor and raising me to be a strong human.
But, teaching young children to hold back crying and emotions only teaches them to keep emotions locked inside so that when they become an adult, they can use substances and other behaviors to shove them down even more rather than emote.
Adult women who cry are considered "emotional" as if it's a bad thing while adult men who cry are considered weak, vulnerable, and overly feminine.
We are only expected to cry at funerals and maybe weddings. Beyond that, tears are for the weak.
Well, it's time to prove that crying and tears are completely normal and even more, serve a purpose with many health benefits.
So if you resonate with this type of upbringing, keep on reading. I hope this encourages you to shed some tears.
Tears show courage, strength, and authenticity
Humans are possibly the only creatures to shed emotional tears. What separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom is creativity. Creativity leads to emotion. If you watch the creative genius of your favorite artist (actor, dancer, sculptor, builder, makeup artist, etc) you will feel a surge of emotion.
Seeing a movie or listening to a song that evokes a strong emotional pull is what makes us human. Those emotions oftentimes create the watery substance that begins to form in our eyes. Whether it be emotional tears of joy or sadness, the tears come from the same place: emotions.
Letting yourself feel in the moment, no matter who is watching takes strength and courage. Letting tears flow because you witnessed something so beautiful or so devastating shows your ability to live courageously and authentically.
No other animals have been shown to do that.
Humans, though, are gifted with the ability to cry and yet think of it as embarrassing.
Be human and let yourself feel emotions. If tears decide to stream down your face, let them. People will be attracted to your sincerity and vulnerability and see you as human.
It's a way to detox and purge
Some tears have a strong antimicrobial benefit that can kill 90 to 95 percent of bacteria. Crying regularly is great for kidney detoxification and purging of the fluids in the body. Similar to sweating during exercise, crying also helps the body rid itself of toxins that need releasing. Think of crying like taking a steam and releasing what needs to come out of the fluid ducts.
It's a natural painkiller
Crying releases endorphins, specifically oxytocin and endogenous opioids. These feel-good chemicals are what help you feel calm and peaceful. Think of a baby who has been crying for a while and once the crying settles, they sleep like, well, a baby. The chemicals released can offer you relief from mental and physical pain, if even for just a bit.
Tears will boost your mood
When you cry, your breathing rate and pattern change. You will typically take quick inhales through your mouth and may also lengthen your exhales to control the sobbing or crying. Doing this type of breathing will slow down the thinking brain and along with the endorphins, make you feel better, thus improving your mood.
Suppressing your tears is bad for your heart and can lead to depression
Suppressing emotions actually puts you in flight/fight/freeze mode putting strain on your nervous system. This constant taxing of the immune system can lead to all types of diseases and illnesses including cancer. Stifling tears puts stress on the heart chakra (if you want to learn more about chakras, I have a class that goes into detail - message me for details). When the heart chakra is out of balance, a host of diseases can emerge over time. Allowing yourself to destress by crying is like releasing the valve on a pressure cooker. Letting go gives your heart some space to expand and contract rather than stay contracted and restricted.
Crying helps with deeper sleep
As mentioned above, crying helps release all the feel-good chemicals which ultimately leads to sound sleep. Just like a baby does after a good bout of crying.
Crying helps you connect with others
As I mentioned in the beginning, humans are the only animals that can feel emotions and cry about them. Doing this in front of others shows your vulnerable and human side. Other people will connect with this. People will feel safe in your presence and know that, because you have emotions, they can confide in you. And crying together creates a bond. If you've ever had the experience of having a baby with your spouse present and witnessing the miracle together, you most likely cried tears of joy together. And in that moment, seeing your new creation and sharing a tearful moment, bonds you with a shared memory to never be forgotten.
Bringing Light to Tears
Considering all the benefits of crying and tears, it seems that holding back is doing more harm than good.
If you aren't ready for full-blown public cry sessions, try it in front of your kids or parents first. Obviously, when the opportunity presents itself rather than forcing tears. Or, if you aren't even ready for that, when you feel tears ready to form, jump in the shower and let 'em fall. The water from the shower and the tears from your eyes will cleanse you inside and out.
And if anything at all, let your kids cry. You will have peace of mind knowing that their tears are keeping them happy, healthy and free from bacteria.
How much crying do you think is healthy? I'd love to hear your opinion.
